


You've got something I need

by Frenchibi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: @me why are you like this, But there will be fluff, College AU, Confessions, Getting Together, M/M, Reminiscing, Senseless fluff, and Hajime's got it bad, angst I guess?, just let these boys be happy please, they live together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-07 14:14:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7717906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frenchibi/pseuds/Frenchibi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s Oikawa’s fault.</p>
<p>Well, that must be it. There’s no other explanation, really. He put the idea into little Hajime’s head when they were children, and it just sort of stuck with him.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Then YOU should just marry me, Iwa-chan!”</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ch3rryboy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ch3rryboy/gifts).



> ~~You didn't ask for this, but you're getting it anyway.~~  
>  Thank you for sticking with me, your comments make me so happy and your support means so much.
> 
> ...I really should stop posting unfinished works. But I needed to get this out of my system, I've been sitting on it for weeks now. I promise I'll try and get it completed as soon as I possibly can. Until then, bear with me.
> 
> The title was inspired by [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKCGBgOgp08).

It’s Oikawa’s fault.

Well, that must be it. There’s no other explanation, really. He put the idea into little Hajime’s head when they were children, and it just sort of stuck with him.

_“Then YOU should just marry me, Iwa-chan!”_

Hajime doesn’t remember exactly why Oikawa said it, or even where, but the idea took root in his childhood brain and blossomed into a quiet, unseen flower all on its own.

When Hajime thinks of the future, he doesn’t think of getting a job, marrying some faceless wife he hasn’t met yet and having faceless kids with her - no. Whenever someone so much as mentions marriage or settling down, the only person he thinks of is Oikawa.

He rationalizes this a lot - sure, it’s because they’ve always been together, and honestly he can’t imagine a future where Oikawa isn’t completely dependent on him. He couldn’t live on his own (let alone with some girl who doesn’t understand him like Hajime does), and Hajime can’t just abandon him (or leave him with his parents indefinitely; those poor people deserve a break).

Somewhere along the line he’s just resigned himself to the idea of being Oikawa’s permanent babysitter, and it only feels natural that he’s followed him everywhere - to volleyball when they were in the same elementary school, then to Kitagawa Daiichi, and then to Aoba Johsai (although, to be fair, Oikawa might have followed him there. Maybe there’s more to this whole “you should have come to Shiratorizawa”-thing than Oikawa is telling him. When Hajime overhears Ushijima say that and asks what that’s about, Oikawa shakes his head and says “Dunno what he means, Iwa-chan. I never got a letter from them,” but really, the kid who won the Best Setter Award didn’t get invited? Not likely).

So when it was time to pick out universities, naturally Hajime was just waiting for Oikawa to make a call.

In the end, they’re in different majors with completely different schedules (save for volleyball practice, of course), and obviously they share an apartment - that was never even a question.

But sometimes, Hajime wonders. It usually happens unexpectedly, when he’s actually busy with something completely different - studying, writing an essay, drinking a large cup of black coffee (all other variations have lost their effect) - and suddenly he’s thinking _what if Oikawa finds a girl who can handle him? What if he leaves?_

_“Then YOU should just marry me, Iwa-chan!”_

Well, it’s not that simple, is it? Because they’re close, sure, but… they’re not like that, are they?

Oikawa has the courtesy to not bring his conquests home to their apartment, but there are nights when he stays away until the early hours of morning, and Hajime is sure he’s breaking tons of hearts. Occasionally he sees Oikawa with some girl around campus, but it’s never the same one twice, never anything serious. He’s probably too busy with volleyball and class to commit enough for a real relationship. Hajime’s never asked, and he doubts Oikawa would tell him, anyway. He hopes he’ll at least get to meet the girl that finally manages to keep him.

Hajime hates how his insides constrict at the mere thought. But that’s the truth, isn’t it? All he’s doing is holding on to a man who’s slipping through his fingers. It’s only a matter of time.

_“Then YOU should just marry me, Iwa-chan!”_

Sometimes he wishes he could. Especially on those nights where he waits up for hours until he resigns himself to the fact that Oikawa isn’t coming home, isn’t answering his messages properly and ignoring his calls. He wishes he wasn’t so sure that his best friend is in bed with some girl - or some guy? - while he’s up waiting and worrying. He wishes his imagination didn’t supply him with vivid imagery on those occasions.

He wishes Oikawa would come home to him every night and lock the door behind him, shutting out the world. There’s so much out there that could take Oikawa away, and sometimes Hajime just wants to hold him as closely and tightly as he possibly can. He wishes he could hold on and never let go.

But then he remembers that Oikawa isn’t likely to be satisfied with him. After all, he goes through girls like they’re clothing, for crying out loud. None of them is good enough for him, apparently, even though they’re all stupidly gorgeous.

Hajime hopes Oikawa doesn’t even know what he’s searching for. Sometimes he even hopes he’ll never find it, so he’ll stay and things won’t change between them. So Oikawa will be there in the morning when Hajime wakes up, groggy and hung over and draped all over him, because more often than not Oikawa crawls into bed with him instead of sleeping in his own, and Hajime lets him, because honestly, how could he refuse him anything at all? He hopes Oikawa will stay, and he’ll always occupy too much space and Hajime will shove him a little but ultimately let him have his way, because he’s warm and it’s just easier than listening to Oikawa’s constant whining (and, of course, because he likes having him close). He hopes Oikawa will stay and he’ll curl up around him, tangle their legs together and sigh like he hasn’t got a care in the world. That he’ll stay, and maybe Hajime will get to see him smile - the real, honest smile that he shows so rarely these days, but which makes Hajime’s heart feel like it’s going to explode.

It’s definitely Oikawa’s fault, no question. Oikawa and his stupid hair and his stupid eyes and his stupid hands and that god-awful laugh - and Hajime is just… lost.

_“Then YOU should just marry me, Iwa-chan!”_

And why won’t that thought just go away already? It’s not like that’s ever gonna happen. It’s not like Hajime will ever tell Oikawa that he still thinks about that sometimes, and that he wishes he could. That he’d jump at the chance. That, if Oikawa asked, he’d do anything for him. That he’d go anywhere, be anything he could to make him happy. If Oikawa gave him that opportunity, he’d seize it.

Maybe, one day. Maybe. Maybe.

“Iwa-chan!”

And it’s really Oikawa this time, not the slightly high-pitched, whiny voice of the kid in Hajime's memories - it’s the fully grown, present-day version, practically skipping through the door to the living room. Hajime looks up, eyebrows raised a little.

“Hey, Oikawa.”

“I didn’t know you’d be back so early,” Oikawa chirps, and a smile spreads across his face. “I haven’t seen you all day!”

Hajime frowns a little, but Oikawa is right, he realizes - he left early this morning, without waking him. “Right,” he says, and it sounds a little harsher than he means it. God damn it.

Predictably, Oikawa’s eyebrows draw together. “Everything alright?” he asks, with a careful tilt in his voice.

“Yeah. Yeah, no, I just… I dunno. It’s been a long day. Sorry.”

Oikawa watches him for a moment, as if he’s trying to crack open the front Hajime is putting up - but then he shrugs. “There are days like that. Don’t let it get you down, Iwa-chan.”

He turns to look towards the kitchen, hands on his hips. “Is it my turn to make dinner…?”

Hajime nods. “…you don’t have to, though. I’m not really all that hungry, to be honest, so if you don’t feel like it…”

Oikawa shrugs. “Fair enough. I’ll take tomorrow then?”

Hajime makes a small affirmative sound. For some reason, he’s finding it hard to talk to Oikawa today - half of his conscious mind is still lost in the trails of thought from earlier, anyway.

Oikawa notices, of course. Hajime looks away, but he can tell that the setter is still watching him. He stifles a yawn, and Oikawa sighs a little. “You’ve been staying up too late again, Iwa-chan.”

Hajime shrugs. “’m fine,” he mutters, but he knows Oikawa is right. He really needs to get a grip on himself.

“…wanna watch a movie with me?”

Oikawa’s tone is trying just a little too hard to be light, but Hajime lets it slide. This is Oikawa, giving him a pretense to stick together in case he wants to talk, giving him a bit of background noise in case he’s uncomfortable, or an excuse to fall asleep on the couch if he’s tired. He’s doing this for Hajime, and Hajime feels his test tighten in affection all over again. There’s really no saving him anymore, huh.

He’s already opened his mouth to agree when he realizes something.

“Today’s Friday,” he says, glancing back up at his roommate.

“So?”

“…so… why aren’t you… going out?”

Oikawa looks at him like he’s crazy. “I don’t go out every Friday…?”

“Uh- but you do? You were gone the last… four or five Fridays, at least.” He hates that he realizes just as he says it that he knows that it’s actually been six. He definitely isn’t counting.

“Was I?” Oikawa says, sounding a little surprised himself. “Well then it’s high time I spent some quality time with my best friend, don’t you think? So what do you say?”

But suddenly, Hajime is skeptical.

“…don’t you have a paper to work on?”

Oikawa shrugs. “So?”

“So go do that, instead of wasting your time watching a movie?”

Oikawa opens his mouth to reply, then closes it. He blinks, and then he tries again. “…I don’t- …spending my time with you is not what I’d call wasting it. I… feel like we barely see each other anymore, and I don’t like it. Also, you… you look like there’s something on your mind. If you don’t wanna tell me, that’s fine, but… I can at least distract you a little, maybe. Unless you don’t want to, of course.”

He seems so vulnerable all of a sudden, and Hajime doesn’t like that one bit.

“No,” he says, “that’s not… that’s not what I meant. I just… sorry. It’s fine. Let’s… let’s watch something, then.”

Oikawa holds his gaze until Hajime turns away again, cursing himself for how obvious he’s being - and instead of moving to grab the remote and turn on the TV, Oikawa hesitates a fraction of a second more before sitting down on the couch beside Hajime, turning to face him.

“Iwa-chan,” he says, and Hajime reluctantly looks up to meet his gaze.

“…what’s going on?” Oikawa asks. All pretenses are gone now, and the worry is evident on his face. “Talk to me. Did something happen…?”

Hajime exhales deeply. “No.”

“Are you sure? You’re… something’s off about you today.”

And he hates how goddamn observant Oikawa is. Sometimes he wishes that parts of the aloof front that he likes to put up were actually real - it'd be much easier to get away with his thoughts on days like this.

"Iwa-chan?"

Hajime sighs. There's no getting out of this, huh.

“Okay, yeah. Yeah, there’s… something’s been bothering me. But I’ll deal with it, okay?”

And again, he sounds so much harsher than he means to - but he needs Oikawa to stop prying, otherwise he’ll end up saying something he’ll regret. Oikawa looks hurt, he even pulls back a little.

“You’re shutting me out…?” he says, and there’s an all new vulnerability that wasn’t there before, in the quietness of his voice. It’s something fundamental, and urgent, and painful. And then he shuts it down. “Okay. You don’t… you don’t have to tell me. Just… if there’s anything I can do-”

Oikawa is already recoiling, drawing away, closing off. And Hajime realizes that this is even worse than telling him. He’s hurting him, hurting the only person he really wants to protect. Hurting the boy - the man - he’s loved for years. And he’s hurting himself.

“Oikawa, wait.”

He catches the setter’s arm, stopping him from getting to his feet. “Wait. Please. I didn’t mean… I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m just... really confused right now. I need… some time to think things over. I don’t know… I wouldn’t know what to tell you. But I know I don’t want to… shut you out. Never.”

Oikawa gives him a long look, but he doesn't try to pull away. _It's the small victories,_ Hajime thinks.

The setter settles back into the cushions, folds his hands in his lap and waits, watching him. But Hajime is still at a loss.

"I'm sorry," he says again, for lack of anything better.

Oikawa shakes his head. "It's okay. Just... you know I'm here, Iwa-chan."

They sit in silence for a bit, and Hajime knows Oikawa hasn't looked at the screen a single time. He feels his gaze, the heaviness of it, and the way it electrifies his skin. He has to move.

"I... wanna go to bed," he says when it feels like he can't take it anymore. Oikawa nods. "Okay. Do you- Should I-"

There's not really a choice here. While Oikawa's piercing gaze is a little too much to handle, Hajime isn't sure he could sleep on his own right now, without the calming warmth of Oikawa wrapped around him.

"Come with me," he says, and manages to avoid looking at Oikawa entirely by getting to his feet and turning to leave. Very subtle. Brilliant.

Oikawa is up out of his seat faster than Hajime would have thought possible, on his feet and right beside him. Hajime wonders for a moment why that's so reassuring, to know Oikawa (stupid, annoying, infuriating, amazing Oikawa) is here today and he's not going to leave. He tries not to dwell on the nights where he isn't, but it's hard to ignore the relief that's flooding through him. Oikawa is here, and he's staying. Hajime will wake up with him in his arms.

_"Then YOU should just-"_

Hajime shuts the thought down forcefully, shaking his head a little. Oikawa makes a small inquisitive sound, but Hajime just sighs again and heads towards the bathroom. The setter follows, unusually quiet.

They brush their teeth side by side, and Hajime thinks he could get used to the sight of Oikawa standing beside him, reflected by their less-than-clean mirror with the chipped edge from an overexcited incident involving Bokuto Koutarou and a Volleyball. He smiles at the memory, and doesn't miss how Oikawa visibly unclenches beside him at the sight. He's worrying again. Hajime isn't sure what to think of that.

Once they're done, they crawl into Hajime's (slightly larger) bed, and there's no talking or adjusting necessary because this part is routine. Hajime settles himself against the wall, propped up by a bunch of pillows (half of which are alien-shaped and definitely not his own purchases), and holds up his arm so Oikawa can curl up against him, his face buried in the crook of Hajime's neck. It's warm, safe and familiar, and Hajime feels himself calming down instantly. Oikawa seems to notice, too, because Hajime can feel him smile against his skin, and the setter curls his leg around Hajime's.

"...you okay?" Oikawa asks quietly, and he can't quite hide the worry in his voice.

Hajime makes a non-committal sound. "...will be."

This time, Hajime can hear him smile. "Anything you need, Iwa-chan."

"...I know," he says. "Thank you."

Oikawa almost scoffs. "You don't need to thank me for this, Iwa-chan. You know that."

"Mmh."

"Go to sleep. Know you're tired."

Hajime nods, knowing Oikawa can feel it. The setter exhales against his skin, and it's so familiar that it doesn't even make him nervous - it's just calming. He feels his breathing even out, and he almost drifts.

But then, as Oikawa's breaths become rhythmic and relaxed, the doubts come back.

Because there's no way this will last.

Sure, Hajime has him now, but for how long? There's sure to be someone, somewhere, who can give Oikawa everything he needs and more. Hajime wants to be that person, but he's pretty sure he can't. For starters, he doesn't know if Oikawa would even consider him - what with the fabulous choices he has, practically everyone throwing themselves at his feet.

And suddenly, looking down at Oikawa’s sleeping form curled into him, it becomes hard to breathe. Hajime feels the exact moment that his insecurities overpower him, the exact second he lets go and his heart rate accelerates, and panic takes hold of him.

Because there’s no way this will last, but he loves him _so much_ , it’s like a knife to his chest every time their eyes lock, another stab caused by every smile Oikawa sends his way - and it will never last, he’ll never be able to hold on. Oikawa will find someone and settle down and Hajime won’t be able to see him every day anymore, to wake up with the setter plastered all over him, to spend lazy afternoons on the couch or at the library together, to watch terrible movies and it hurts, it hurts, _shit-_

He covers his mouth with both hands, but it’s too late to conceal the sob that tears through the silence around them. And Hajime freezes, unable to even blink as he waits, hoping, praying Oikawa didn’t hear-

“…Iwa-chan?”

He’s awake, he’s awake, and Hajime disentangles himself and turns away as fast as he can, even as another sob shakes him and he can’t contain it. The mattress shifts, and Oikawa is definitely alert now.

“Iwa-chan. What’s going on.”

He tries to shake his head, but Oikawa grabs his shoulders and turns him back to face him, searches the darkness for his eyes, raw worry in his expression. “Whoa- hey, hey, talk to me. Please, Iwa- you’re hurting, you’re hurting and I can’t watch that. What happened? Iwa-chan?”

“I can’t,” he breathes, and his entire body is shaking now. “I can’t, Tooru, I can’t - please, just… j-just go back to sleep, I’ll be fine, I-I’ll be okay, just-”

“No!” Oikawa interjects angrily, his grip tightening. “You don’t have to do this alone! You’re… you’re breaking yourself! Please, please trust me, Iwa-chan - you can’t bottle everything up-”

“I can’t talk to you,” Hajime whispers. “Not about this, I’m sorry, I-”

“Hajime,” Oikawa interrupts, and his voice cracks. Oikawa never uses his first name, and Hajime wasn’t aware of what that would do to him. He chokes on his next sob because oh. _Oh._

“I don’t know why you feel you can’t trust me,” Oikawa says quietly, “but… no matter what this is about, I’m right here, you know I’m right here, I’ve always been. And I can’t watch you suffer like this, on your own - please-”

“It’s not about trust, at all, that’s not… that’s not why I can’t tell you, I’d trust you with anything, but this… you can’t help me with this.”

Even in the dim light, Hajime can see the hurt cross Oikawa’s face. 

“…why not?” he asks, and Hajime bites his lip because he never wanted to be the cause of Oikawa’s pain, the reason for his desperation. He never wanted to be on the receiving end of that look, of the disappointment and indignation of the Oikawa who doesn’t know what he’s done wrong, the Oikawa who always blames himself for everything and becomes frustrated by impossibility, who cannot accept that there is nothing he can do, who will not let anyone give him limits, constraints, confinements. And Hajime can see the anger underneath all of this, the betrayal Oikawa feels because this is all wrong, Hajime is supposed to be on his side, fighting the world’s injustice with him instead of creating it.

And suddenly, all the fight leaves Hajime and he deflates. It feels wrong to him, too, and he hates it. His own indignation is stronger than any embarrassment caused by the actual problem, because the wrongness of his own actions is prevalent. He doesn’t _want_ to do this alone. He doesn’t want to be on opposite sides. And it’s Hajime who’s driving this between them, who is breaking everything here with his stupid, stupid feelings.

“I hate this,” Hajime says, but his fire is gone, his voice empty and defeated. Because there's no point if they're on opposing sides. He doesn't want this, can't do this anymore. He can't imagine anything that would hurt him more.

Oikawa is staring at him, and the expression on his face is nothing short of shocked. He's distancing himself suddenly, pulling back.

"Are you..."

And he stops, and swallows, and - oh, god. _No, no, no._

Oh, God, he's crying. Hajime made him cry. And he's pulling away, recoiling from the ace's touch.

"Are you sick of me, Hajime?"

And shit, Hajime had thought it couldn't get any worse. He can't even speak, he just stares back at his best friend who is falling apart and it's his fault, he did this, he broke this, and it hurts, it _hurts_ -

"...so that's it?" Oikawa asks, taking his silence for confirmation. He sounds positively heartbroken. And Hajime finds his voice.

"Wh- no- no, no, Oika- Tooru- no, oh my God, that's completely- no."

But the damage is done, Oikawa has already pulled back as far as possible and his walls are drawn all the way up, in a way Hajime has never seen before. Not directed at him. Oikawa wipes at his eyes angrily, pushes back further tears, hides.

"You don't have to lie for my sake. If this is... So hard for you- I'll go, I'll-"

"No!" Hajime says, and he's louder than he means to be. Oikawa flinches, and closes his mouth. Hajime instantly regrets it, seeing that he's closing off even more.

"Then what is it? It makes sense - of course at some point you'd..."

His face screams _you're just like everyone else._ He's trying to hide it, but the betrayal is cutting straight through all his walls, in plain view for Hajime, who has always been able to read Oikawa like an open book. It hurts more than words could possibly describe. It hurts because Oikawa is recoiling from him, from _him_ , from the one person who's always promised to be by his side-

"Stop," Hajime says, and he hates how small it sounds, how feeble. "Please- wait. Wait. Listen." His heartbeat is suddenly loud in his ears.

Oikawa looks like he's heard enough, and there's defiance in his eyes that's barely masking the heartbreak underneath.

But he stays. He listens. (He hopes, but the damage is done.)

Hajime realizes that he has no idea how to start, what to say. What's most important - the hurt - pushes itself to the forefront of his mind. Fix this. Fix us.

"I have never - and I mean never, not even for a second - been sick of you," he says.

There's still disbelief and pain in Oikawa's face, but Hajime pushes through, determined. Nothing between them. It would tear them apart. He needs to trust that their friendship is strong - stronger than this, strong enough to endure despite his feelings.

"I... I hate that this, what... what I'm worried about is something I have to keep from you, because I don't like it when... when I can't talk to you. But this... is there really no reason you can think of that'd explain why I can't tell you?"

He swallows, somehow hoping Oikawa would interrupt. He doesn't.

"...it's because it's about you. Not... not because I don't trust you - of course I tr- Tooru, you _know_ that I trust you. But this... this is my fault and if I tell you it... might change the way you see me. And our friendship is the most precious thing I have, I can't risk it."

Oikawa's breathing has slowed, he seems calm again, though the hurt and the worry aren't quite gone.

"... I could never hate you," he says, "no matter what this is about. And... you should know that. Seventeen years of friendship don't just... end."

"This is different. This... this is big, Tooru. It could change everything."

Oikawa gives him a long look. "...that's not really fair, then," he says finally. "If it's so big, don't I deserve to know?"

Hajime lets himself look right at him, taking in all his features for what might be the last time - but Oikawa is right. He has a right to know. Hajime's fear of losing what they have is secondary. He sighs, closes his eyes, and takes a leap.

"I think... I think I'm in love with you."

And the world shatters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I feel I'm being very dramatic.  
>  Sorry for the cliffhanger - I hope it will be short-lived.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, guys, guys!!! I'm actually still on vacation but I got so impatient that I typed this out on my phone because DAMN I really wanted to post it. I hope this works and the formating isn't all fucked up xD (I proofread like 3 times ok please tell me if I missed something)
> 
> Hope you enjoy, although I advise you to brush your teeth because there's fluff up ahead!

The silence that follows his words is crushing. It's like everything stops for a moment - Hajime's breathing, his heart, his mind. And Tooru just stares, unmoving. And then his eyes shift, fall away from Hajime's face and his expression is indiscernable in the dark. In that moment, Hajime instantly regrets _everything_.

And then -

"You... what?"

Hajime is suddenly calm, calmer than he'd thought he'd be. There's no going back now.

He doesn't answer, because he knows Tooru heard him just fine. He doesn't laugh, or punch him, or indicate in any other way that this is a joke, because it's not. He simply watches his best friend's expression as it passes through an array of different emotions in milliseconds.

Tooru stares into nowhere, and Hajime can practically hear his mind working through his words, turning them over and over, looking at them from every possible angle, until-

"...you... you're serious," he realizes, his gaze focusing on Hajime's face again.

Hajime manages a nod. Tooru's eyes are so wide, like orbs that contain galaxies, and Hajime's heart clenches in his chest. He's always thought they were beautiful, even before he knew what that meant.

"...Hajime."

Tooru reaches forward, grabbing hold of Hajime's wrist. There's urgency in his movements all of a sudden, and he seems to trip over his thoughts, stumbling over words that can't seem to leave his mouth fast enough.

"I- you- Are you-"

Hajime's lips curl into a small, resigned smile. Of course he'd be confused. Of course he'd be hurt. After all, Hajime has just crashed everything down around them. He's changed everything with one single sentence. It's not exactly fair, is it.

"I'm sorry," he says. "...I didn't want to make it weird for you."

Something serious and ernest takes over Tooru's expression, wiping away the confusion. "Is that why you were so upset?"

Is it?

Not quite, probably. In the strange calm he feels right now, Hajime is able to think more clearly, more lucidly than earlier. Is that why he was upset?

_It's because I can never be the person you deserve, the person to make you happy. And I can't bare the thought that there might be someone else out there, someone who isn't me, who can._

"Well... yeah," he says, after some hesitation. Because it's not like he can say what he's thinking.

Tooru's grip on Hajime's wrist tightens.

"I'm sorry," Hajime repeats, for lack of anything better to say.

The longer the silence stretches, the more he feels the panic crawling back, clawing at his insides like an animal. This might really be the end. Tooru might just decide that he can't deal with this, and Hajime wouldn't even be able to blame him. After all, who'd want to stay best friends with someone after rejecting them?

Tooru exhales. "...you don't hate me," he says.

Hajime blinks.

After all that, after Hajime confessed and laid his goddamn heart and soul bare for Tooru to see, _this_ is what he's still hung up on? Hajime almost laughs - he would have, if it didn't hurt so much.

He's made Tooru doubt him, doubt their friendship - he's the one who caused that pain.

He needs to make this right.

"I don't, no," he says, making sure to look Tooru in the eye, even though it's becoming increasingly difficult.

Tooru is watching him, and he's wearing an expression Hajime has never seen on his face before. He can't place it. The silence stretches again, until-

"...you like me."

Hajime is thankful for the relative darkness around them, because it hides any and all color that may have risen to his face.

 _I do_ , his mind supplies, unhelpfully. _I do, good god, so damn much that it's driving me crazy._

"Yeah," he says, ignoring the way his heart jolts in his chest. _Oh, so_ now _it's embarrassing?_

"...you... like me," Tooru says again. He's searching Hajime's face, inching closer.

And it happens so fast, too fast for Hajime to really register or react.

One moment, Tooru is lying beside him, at the edge of the bed, apprehensive, tense. And the next, Hajime feels a pair of arms around him, and he's wrapped in an embrace so tight it knocks the breath out of him. Tooru is suddenly right _there_ , and he buries his head in Hajime's shoulder with a gasp.

"You like me," he says again, breathless, and-

Oh, _oh_. Happy. He sounds _happy_.

Hajime can't move, but his heartbeat betrays him - and his mind races, trying to discern what this means. Tooru is happy. Happy, because he's relieved, still, that Hajime doesn't hate him? Or happy because-

Tooru pulls back, just far enough so they can look at each other, and he's practically glowing. And then he answers the questions spinning in Hajime's mind, all at once.

"Hajime- Hajime, I've loved you forever."

He's trying so hard not to cry as he says it, and at the same time the widest, most joyful smile is spreading across his face.

"You've- what?"

Tooru simply pulls him into his arms again, and he's actually laughing now, the sound ringing with relief. Hajime falls in love with it instantly, like he's fallen for every other part of Tooru that he's encountered.

His tears must have started falling, because his breath is hitching in between laughs. He's a disaster, a mess, a pain in the ass, but Hajime has never wanted anything more.

"Oh, for _ever_ ," Tooru says, "I've loved you since 'what's your name, anyway,' since 'bugs are way cooler than aliens,' since 'wait for me, dumbass,' since-"

He stops because now Hajime has pulled back, and he's staring at him in disbelief and amazement.

"...all the way back then?"

Because that can't be, that _can't be-_

"Always," Tooru says, "always. Always, always, always," and his voice breaks in breathless relief.

Hajime manages an incredulous half-chuckle because _that's impossible_ \- he's been worrying and pining for so long, and all this time, Tooru felt the same? All the opportunities Hajime wasted, all the times he decided it'd be for the best to not say anything, to leave it be, not to risk their friendship - Tooru had felt the same? All he'd have had to do-

And that's when the relief hits, like a brick, and it takes everything down with it.

"I'm such an idiot," he says, "I was so... I thought I'd broken us, I thought-"

He has to catch his breath, shaking with the sudden realization that _it's not broken_ , and he feels himself spiralling already - but Tooru stops him, shakes his head and leans forward to press his lips to Hajime's forehead. He knows, somehow. He always knows exactly what to do, what to say, and Hajime's heart soars. He's flying, and everything is gone. He even forgets who he is, and where, and why - the only thing that matters is Tooru, Tooru, Tooru.

"You're not," the setter whispers, and he kisses his forehead again. Hajime can feel the wetness of Tooru's tears on his face, and he knows he's crying too when his own breath catches in his throat, leaving his body in a choked sob - but it doesn't matter as Tooru whispers: "You're not, and you couldn't break us if you tried."

Everything else has vanished; the fear, the apprehension, the insecurity. Now it's just them, and Tooru's lips against Hajime's skin - it's almost ridiculous, how much pure, unbridled joy sears through Hajime's veins at the touch. It's stronger than words, bigger than both of them, and Hajime has never been so sure of anything in his entire life.

It's almost scary - the lengths he would go to for Tooru - but in that moment, there's no hesitation, no doubt, no fear. Instead, it fills him with exhiliration.

Because Tooru has always been the source of his determination, his motivation and his strength. His presence lights up Hajime's life, he's the pillar holding it all together, and Hajime would follow him anywhere. That's what he's done, too, isn't it? He's followed him. His life would be empty and dull without Tooru in it; he'd have gotten a boring job and led a boring life, at some point probably met a nice but boring girl-

And again, it's Tooru's voice, Tooru's words that immediately cut across that thought, effectively shutting it down.

_"Then YOU should just marry me, Iwa-chan!"_

Because for all he complains sometimes, for all the pain and uncertainty and struggling, Hajime doesn't _want_ that kind of simplicity. Tooru is a hurricane, sweeping Hajime along mercilessly, tearing through everything he knows and uprooting it - and Hajime loves every second of it. He's always watching Tooru, breathless with anticipation at what he will do next, which new heights he will reach, where he'll take them.

Hajime used to be afraid that Tooru would leave him behind - but he realizes now that Tooru would never do that, and that he should have known. For all the time he's been watching Tooru, he really could have noticed how his childhood friend never ran too far without looking back.

Tooru wants him by his side. He always has. It was always "Iwa-chan, look", "Iwa-chan, come see", "Iwa-chan, let's go!" and "Iwa-chan, follow me!"  
Hajime doesn't know what he was so afraid of.

"Tooru," he says, all his uncertainty and apprehension wiped away.

Tooru stirs, mouth still pressed to Hajime's skin, a soft sound leaving his lips as he pulls away. "Mmh?"

"...I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

There's a brief silence, then Tooru pushes himself up a little, a disbelieving smile on his face.

"Iwa-chan, are you proposing to me?" His voice is teasing, but there's a slightly incredulous undertone that suggests something more.

_"Then YOU should just-"_

_Yeah. I should._

Maybe it's time to come clean. He's taking leaps, but it seems like that's all he's been doing today.

"I wouldn't have to, idiot. You already did. 'YOU should just marry me, Iwa-chan' and all that."

Tooru blinks. Hajime half-expects him to complain about the bad impersonation - but instead, the setter blushes a deep shade of crimson, deep enough to be visible even in the almost-dark of the room.

"Y-you remember that?!" he squeaks.

Hajime stares, startled. "Of- of course I remember!"

"But that was ages ago!"

Hajime reaches up to rub at his own neck. "Yeah, well... I mean, I don't remember when you said it, or why, but-"

Tooru lets out an agonized wail, burying his face in his hands. "Oh, God-"

"For some reason, I keep... hearing you say that? And I just- I kept wishing that I could. So I wouldn't have to be afraid of losing you anymore."

It's more honesty than Hajime has allowed himself in years, and suddenly, he feels vulnerable. He stares up at Tooru, who is slowly, slowly lowering his hands away from his burning face, cracking his fingers to look back at him.

"...you don't remember what happened after? Or... or why I said it in the first place?"

Hajime frowns. "What do you mean, after?"

 

Tooru's hand moves to his neck, and his fingers close around the tiny pendant that hangs there, off a delicate silver chain. Hajime had wondered about that, briefly, when Tooru had first started wearing it, but he had chosen not to ask him what it meant. He'd figured it was probably a present from some admirer - or from his older sister, maybe. Seemed like something she would do.

Now, though, when Tooru holds it out so Hajime can see it clearly (instead of the glimpses he's been catching of it when Tooru changes in the locker room, or when he comes out of the shower in their apartment), his eyes widen in recognition. And just like that, the scene is coming back, too.

_A huge cherry tree, leaves swaying in the wind, blossoms scattering everywhere. Two boys, screaming and laughing, climbing its branches to get higher, higher, closer to the wide, endless sky._

"...oh," Hajime says softly.

_"I'm sorry about this, boys. I know you like the tree a lot, but you've got to understand - it's sick, see? So it needs to be cut down."_

He remembers crying, crying for a long time about the memories that would be lost in that tree, and about the things they'd never be able to do again.

_"Oh, Hajime, dear," in his mothers soft voice, "don't be sad. New trees will grow where that one stood. I know they won't be the same, but they'll be young, and healthy, and make their own memories."_

_"But I don't want new trees! I want this one! It's our t-tree, mine and Tooru's, and we need it! We need it to still be here! Wh-what if we move away, what if we stop being friends, what if Tooru gets m-married and stops having t-time for me? Who's gonna be here and r-remember us?"_

_And then the door bursts open, little Tooru runs up to him and throws his arms around Hajime's neck._

_"Then YOU should just marry me, Iwa-chan! We can remember everything together! If the tree has to go, we can remember instead. You and me!"_

_"...but... our tree, Tooru! They're gonna cut down our tree!"_

_Tooru takes his hand in his own and squeezes it. "Yeah. But you know what? My sister promised to show me something we can make out of the wood! So we definitely won't forget! Come on, I'll show you!"_

Hajime's eyes catch on the pendant - a simple, tiny wooden ring, too small now to fit on either of their fingers. He remembers.

Tooru must have found it when they moved - and he's been wearing it ever since, the only way that he still can. On a chain around his neck.

Hajime thinks back to all the times Tooru was out with other people, times Hajime is sure he spent chatting up girls and guys alike, times he didn't come home until the next morning - all the while wearing that ring around his neck, a reminder, a promise. His heart clenches at the thought, and his mouth feels dry.

"...you kept it," he says quietly, trying to swallow around the lump building in his throat. "The ring I made you. From our tree."

Tooru smiles, and there's sadness in his eyes. "I thought you'd forgotten," he says. "I was so sure you'd forgotten about all of that."

Hajime shakes his head. "I didn't forget. I just... needed help to remember."

He reaches out and brushes his fingers over the polished wood resting against Tooru's chest. He'd had help from Tooru's dad and sister at the time, of course, but it felt like something he'd legitimately made, by himself. A promise.

"...so... does that mean..."

_"We'll always be together, won't we, Iwa-chan?"_

"I've been waiting for you, Hajime," Tooru says softly. He leans in and presses their foreheads together, and Hajime feels the huff of air against his face when he laughs, bubbly and light with elation.

Hajime joins in, allowing his own happiness to flood through him. It's not how he pictured it, back when he was a kid - but then again, he hadn't really known much about anything back then. Only that what he had with Tooru was precious and that he wanted to protect it.

_"We will. I Promise."_

"I'm here now," he says, and Tooru smiles, warm and happy.

"Yeah. You are."

This is different from what he'd imagined, standing beside the remnants of a large cherry tree.

But when Tooru dips his head and catches his lips in a kiss - their first -, Hajime knows it was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and that's it! :D  
>  Thank you for being so patient with me with this - and also thank you for **60+ (!!!!!!) subscribers** to this story?! How did that happen?! _When_ did that happen??? ~~Now just imagine what would happen if all of you left a comment...? :o I'd explode~~ no, but in all seriousness, that means so much to me? I hope you liked the end of this little fic, and if you did, I hope you stick around for more of my stories! As I said, there's (always) more to come :D  
>  I had a blast writing this (as always) - and thank you again to @acee, you've been so supportive and wonderful by leaving me so many comments and kudos and I just... *squeezes you tightly* THANK YOU.  
> As always you can find me (and yell at me) on [tumblr](http://frenchibi.tumblr.com), I absolutely love making new friends, and I take requests, too! (...although, as you know, I'm not that fast... sorry D: I do my best though, I promise!)


End file.
